Us Eldredge's know how to Parrty!!

On Sunday we were all over to Jeremy and Brittney's for dinner and Cory invited everyone to go tube the Provo River on the 4th of July. The last time my fam did this must have been before I was old enough to go, but from stories it didn't go well. Jodi immediately declined and said even if she had her whole family bubble wrapped and in a full body flotation device they would still drown while Cory's would be perfectly fine...because that's just the hand he was dealt. He was the trouble maker growing up and got these 3 perfect daughters that don't even dare flip him off, even when he dares them to. Every stupid thing he does, he gets off scott free. Cory said it's because of the mailbox theory. When learning to ride a bike, your dad says "Don't watch the mailbox" but if you immediately look at the mailbox, you'll crash into it. Or the garage when it comes to driving. Jodi. :) But Cory's theory is that if you never look at what danger may come, then you'll be fine.
Sooo...as we're sitting at the parade on the morning of the 4th, we get this text:

For all those adventurous Eldredges who can ignore the mailboxes and learned to swim, or can't, you can be our entertainment. :) We are tubing the RAGING Provo River today around 1:00. Followed by delicious J Dawgs. If you just asked yourself "what's a J Dawg?" consider yourself uninvited! If you just asked yourself "will I get wet?" or "will it be cold water?" consider yourself old and boring and uninvited AGAIN!  And you should stay home and knit a sweater for your cats. Now if you asked yourself "why wouldn't I go, I love to PARRTY (that's right, party with 2 R's)" consider yourself RAD and big tubes are $10 at Walmart. Respond with "we parrty!" or "sorry, dr hasn't removed the stick yet"

He didn't get any takers. We were all gathered at my parents having a parrty of our own, which he was probably too chicken to join. We then recieved this message:

The fun wagon is leaving. Just a friendly reminder to all my very old siblings: occasionally get up from your knitting chairs, bed sores hurt like a son of a Basket Weaving Ostrich.

And then a little while later:

Well all you geezers missed out. It was a blast! We floated from the dam to Vivian Park. It took a little more than an hour. The water was swimming pool warm. There were lucky leprechauns handing out delicious pina coladas from the banks. The Hawaiian Tropic bikini team was there applying coconut sunscreen to all extreme river tubers. And finally the J Dawgs were amazing as usual and were free to anyone young at heart. Ha Ha geriatric LOSERS!!  Next time I invite you on a great adventure don't say NO!  We did miss you all, even with all the magical events that happened.

You need to change your ways if you want to join MY crew!

Maybe next time we'll have to join in his parrty. Although, I'm sure we'll all drown while the leprechauns save Cory.